Originally posted at www.theNIVbible.com

Do you have any feelings you wish would go away? You try to distract yourself from your anxiety, sorrow, and disappointment with life, but the pain doesn’t heal on its own. The stubborn emotions are not serving you well, but you can’t seem to make them stop. As you pause for a moment to reflect on your internal struggle, maybe you can relate to the Psalmist’s plea, “Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name” (Psalm 86:11).

I wonder what King David was going through when he composed this Psalm? God only knows what was happening in his life at the time. He prayed for joy (Psalm 86:4), so I imagine he was grieving. He names his distress—look at that (Psalm 86:7)! If you feel stressed out, you’re not alone. Ultimately, with admirable self-awareness, the poet king asked the Lord to bring harmony to his discordant soul. David acknowledged his inner conflict and sought to worship his Creator wholeheartedly.

As a therapist, I once had a client (let’s call him Marco) who suffered from inner conflict too. Marco had succeeded in business and was now serving in ministry. No one suspected that he was wrestling with an internal sense of worthlessness. Marco bravely reached out to me in pursuit of Christ-centered counseling. After years of ignoring the hurt, he was tired of feeling small compared to others, when he knew better. He had read God’s Word, but truth wasn’t sinking in where he most needed to receive it. He had hit a wall, and he was now making the time to seek deeper healing.

As our work began, I realized Marco came by his feelings honestly. I learned that his verbally abusive father had told him, “You don’t have what it takes to succeed.” This message was reinforced in middle school, where Marco was often the last one on the playground to be chosen when the captains drafted teams. He felt especially inferior to one popular team captain who devalued him, and this schoolyard trauma left its mark. Long after middle school, Marco’s vulnerable inner child wouldn’t let go of the gnawing feeling of being chosen last. Together we discussed how this long-ago classmate had too much power in his life.

At our next session, Marco reported that he still found himself ruminating on the words of his disapproving father, as well as the moments of rejection at school. Shame compounded Marco’s predicament. “Why am I entertaining these untrue, harmful thoughts,” he lamented, “when I know my true identity in Christ?”

Marco’s question is a familiar one, similar to the questions many I’ve counseled over the years have asked.

Marco began to find healing when he realized there was a split-off part of himself, stuck in the past, that had absorbed all the rejection. He started to appreciate this part of himself that believed he was not good enough when compared with others. He came to see this part of himself as brave, and even heroic, for being the one inside him to endure the suffering so he could function well in life. And this perspective brought him some relief from the pain.

I worked with Marco to lead the tender, apprehensive part of himself to release the hurtful belief formed decades ago. As John Mark Comer has written, “A key part of our spiritual journeys to wholeness, especially for those who have been through traumatic life experiences, is the healing of memories, in both our minds and our bodies.”^[1] Healing happens when we bravely extend curiosity and compassion to the hurting parts of ourselves that are seeking attention.

Marco needed to address the tension between what he knew was true in his heart of hearts and what the hurting part of him had believed all these years. To help him do so, I introduced him to a practice I call “Taking a You-Turn,” a five-step process that can change negative thought patterns causing feelings of worthlessness.^[2] His You-Turn started with realizing he could minister to the younger, insecure part of himself that needed healing from the past.

The Five Steps of Taking a You-Turn

Taking a You-Turn helped Marco experience the love of Christ where he had once felt insecure. Here are the five steps he followed: Focus, Befriend, Invite, Unburden, Integrate. Let’s look at each one more closely.

1. Focus on a Hurting Part of You

First, I asked Marco to focus on the feeling most troubling him. “Notice where you feel any physical tightness or tension and focus on that discomfort,” I suggested. After becoming attuned to what he was experiencing, Marco noticed a painful feeling in his heart. As I encouraged him to listen deeply, he shared with me how his father had wanted him to excel in sports, and how the middle school basketball team captain had not chosen him. Ever since, he carried a belief that he would never excel—that he wasn’t man enough or strong enough to succeed. As an adult seeking healing, Marco still experienced a desire for others’ validation of his significance, even though he knew deep down he was loved by God.

The Bible shows us an example of focusing on a hurting part of our soul in Psalm 42:5: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?” In this verse, we see how David turned toward his pain, bringing it to the surface. David paid attention to his feelings and became curious so that he could resolve the inner tension caused by his false beliefs and find rest in God’s love.

2. Befriend This Hurting Part of You

Second, I encouraged Marco to extend curiosity and compassion toward the hurting part of his soul so he could get to know it better. Using his God-given imagination, Marco remembered what he looked like at that age. And then, I believe with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, he also envisioned a garden hedge surrounding this younger part of himself. In this way, with God’s help he was creating a boundary between himself and the others from whom he had once felt rejection.

• When David said in Psalm 131, “I have calmed and quieted myself . . .” (verse 2), he demonstrated our human capacity to extend compassion to ourselves in a way similar to how we extend compassion to others. We can welcome the split-off parts of ourselves to feel safe and accepted within God’s love so that we can find healing in those deep places, as Marco did when this insecure part of his inner being began to develop a healthy boundary.

3. Invite Jesus to Be with This Part of You in Need

Third, Marco invited Jesus to minister to the insecure part of himself. If this concept is new for you, here’s why this step is important: When we decide to follow Jesus, we are born again, and God’s Spirit comes to live in us. At the same time, parts of our souls may still lack authentic connection and intimacy with the Lord. We are saved, but we still need to go through a process of sanctification. Our natural tendency is to hide and ignore parts of ourselves that we wish would go away when what we really need is to turn toward the pain, identify where we’re off course, and undergo transformation.

Over the years, psychologists and other students of the human soul have increasingly noticed how people can be mentally and emotionally fragmented and thus benefit from tending to wounds from the past. This is the work of cultivating a flourishing internal landscape. Thankfully, we can invite Jesus to tend to the untended parts of ourselves. His love can reach the furthest corners within so we can worship him more holistically. He wants us to become more whole so that our character becomes more like his—undivided. The Hebrew Shema describes God’s character in a word: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one” (Deuteronomy 6:4, italics added).

Spiritual formation involves bringing ourselves completely into the love and light of Christ. I like to think of introducing formerly lost parts of our souls to the Lord as a form of internal evangelism.

In my work with Marco, I asked him if his insecure part would like to know Jesus. He readily said yes and imagined Jesus drawing near to this part of himself. But in his mind’s eye, even with Jesus nearby, the insecure part of him was looking over the garden hedge with binoculars at the team captain, still seeking his approval.

For Marco, the presence of Christ was critical. I asked him if his insecure part wanted to kneel reverently before the Lord, and he said it did! At that point, Marco experienced God’s healing power where he hadn’t felt freedom before.

• In Revelation 3:20, Jesus offers to draw near when he says, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in . . .”

4. Unburden Your Cares

Fourth, I asked Marco whether the insecure part of him was aware it could release the painful memory it carried, including all of the related thoughts and feelings, offering its burden to the Lord. All these years later, Marco was ready to differentiate from his former classmate. He came to view this person as the “tor-mentor” of his youth. This play on words contained an insight: Although this long-ago schoolmate had tormented Marco, his presence in memory was now serving as a mentor, spurring Marco to achieve healing and growth.

With this new awareness, Marco imagined handing over his binoculars to Jesus. As he did so, he released his once-heavy burden and experienced a new freedom and lightness.

• Jesus invited all who are weary and carry heavy burdens to come to him and find rest (see Matthew 11:28). No wonder Peter boldly commands: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

5. Integrate Your Past to Create a Wholehearted Future

Fifth, Marco integrated this insecure part of himself by leading it to discern a new, preferred role. The part of him that had felt low self-worth now wanted to practice gratitude for how God had made him. On reflection, he sensed it wanted to remind him that he was valued in Christ, and that he could find rest in God’s love. Rather than being “insecure,” the part of him that had felt valueless now wanted to be called “the affirmer of value”—in recognition of a newfound ability to proclaim Marco’s value, both within himself and to others.

Marco sensed Jesus saying to him, “You have value. Even if you fail, I still accept you. The way the world views popularity and power is not the way I see it. I exist in a completely different realm—a spiritual realm. It’s okay that you want to feel value, but I want to be the one to provide that for you.”

• God’s Spirit longs to speak to us in ways that grow our understanding of his deep love and wisdom. As we integrate the parts of us that had been traumatized and stuck in the past, we can more consciously obey Paul’s imperative in Ephesians 5:17 to “understand what the Lord’s will is.”

Taking a You-Turn through these five steps empowered Marco to recognize that his overwhelming thoughts and feelings belonged only to one part of himself; they did not comprise all of who he is. This liberating realization centered him so that he could speak kindly to himself and others instead of overreacting to anyone who threatened his self-image. The process also equipped him to view his thoughts and feelings not as an obstacle, but as a means of growth. In working through these steps, Marco was learning to follow the suggestion often attributed to St. Ignatius of Loyola: “Try to keep your soul always in peace and quiet, always ready for whatever our Lord may wish to work in you.”

Like King David and Marco, you have parts of your soul that are presenting themselves for healing and are in need your loving attention. For example, you may struggle with your self-worth and look for others’ approval on social media, deepening your connection to a cyberworld that you increasingly let define who you are. Perhaps you compare your life’s achievements to those of coworkers or friends and feel like you’ll never measure up. Or maybe a part of you is struggling with chronic fear, or intense anger, or something else entirely. Whatever your struggle, you can care for parts of your soul by focusing on them with curiosity, inviting the Lord’s presence to draw near and tending to the hurting part of you within. Give it a try:

• Focus on one challenging thought or feeling that you have right now.
• From your Spirit-led self, befriend the part of you with this thought or feeling.
• Invite the Lord to draw near and invite this part of you to become aware of his presence.
• Unburden your cares to him.
• Integrate the part of you that was stuck in the past so that you can move forward into a more emotionally healthy future with the new resources and blessings Jesus provides.

When you guide your emotions, anger turns to advocacy, fear becomes trust, anxiety transforms into peace, sadness steps into joy, envy turns to gratitude, and shame dissolves in the light of God’s grace.

By inviting the presence of Jesus into the loneliest corners of your soul, you can lead the conflicting parts within you toward harmony and spiritual wellness.

Like Marco, you don’t have to feel conflicted, alone, and stuck anymore. With the power of God’s Holy Spirit—the sacred source of all goodness and love—you can experience hope and freedom. I encourage you to do this hard but beneficial work, whether on your own or with the support of a trusted therapist. Regardless of your circumstances, you can lead your inner life and experience internal harmony that will reflect God’s character to a broken world.

You, too, will be able to confidently say: “I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart” (Psalm 86:12, italics added).

^[1]  John Mark Comer, Practicing the Way: Be with Jesus, Become like him, Do as he did (Colorado Springs: Waterbrook, 2024) 9.
^[2] Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller, Boundaries for Your Soul: How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest Allies (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2018) 45.

Comments

Winniengeera says:
This is very encouraging. God bless and kindly share more.

Angela says:
Wow, this is so good… and timely. It’s described my feelings exactly. Now I have an understanding of the why. It totally brought back memories of not being good enough and unworthy, continually seeking affirmation from others in one area of my life. That slight anxiety popped up again this weekend and I was praying to the Lord on why it keeps happening and to make it stop. Then this email popped up in my inbox this morning. Praise God for answered prayers! Now we can work through it, Thank you so much.

Julie Miller says:
Excellent article

Hooper Augustine Izuchukwu says:
Beautifully said. The world is in need of such Biblical information to be transformed. Thank you immensely for sharing such a lovely piece. God bless you richly in Jesus name.

Mike Mbevi says:
Good message

William Mwangi Kabura says:
I agree that I’m disturbed internally by events that have happened in the past. I always feel low motivation on things that I should be involved in especially following my creator’s advice. I know God loves me deeply. I see it every day in my life. I always know he takes care of me. The problem is me not always searching for him. I tend to tell myself God is with me but I haven’t been communicating with him like he tells me to. I neglected praying and thanking him telling myself I don’t have to praise him or pray because he is my father who knows me inside out. He knew me before I was born and he doesn’t need anything from me so I just live my life without being in communication with him, but I always applied his teaching that I leaned in the past. To make a long story short, I need to get back to my old ways of praying and thanking him like I used to.

Judy jackson says:
Love reading this, thank you.

Precious says:
This is very helpful.

Jane Kamau says:
Felt transformed indeed. Will continue to read your article until I encounter a shift in my life….So inspiring.

Daniela Milka says:
That was very impactful to me, thanks! Yes, we get caught in a rut in life and hold on to the hurts and disappointments of our past life. Still born again and walking with Christ but as with David, the inner battle rages. I am there too!

Francis Kinyua says:
Just read through and to say the least, it’s interesting and informative.

Farrel Oruko says:
Thank you for your advice and I appreciate you doing all this to make us come closer to God… I was personally battling with challenges but from today I have been relieved in Jesus name.

Anna Tshwene says:
Oh wow, thank you so much for sharing the 5 steps using “Marco’s” story, this gave me an opportunity to sit with one of my challenges and really focus on raising it to the surface and letting Jesus’s light and presence into it. I know its not a finished work but I know now, when that challenge comes into play or gets triggered, I will know what I need to do. I have been on a healing journey with group coaches at work and am thrilled to see how you have incorporated Jesus in this process. Being a Christian, my healing journey has been (digging up my past, forgiving myself, giving love to the hurts and then integrating it by giving it another role to play in me)….however in the midst off all this, Jesus was never a feature. After reading your steps, am realizing that, perhaps that is the most important part of my healing journey IS to invite God into it. I deeply thank you because you have confirmed and answered a long time question I didn’t have an answer for. I thank you and pray that with this book, people will get to know God’s love and truly accept it! I thank God for you.

Anonymous says:
This was such a brilliant teaching.
Many Christians in the world need more advice, support and help during their life challenges and are afraid to seek help from therapists. The stigma against mental illness still continues.

May God continue using you and your profession to provide Godly Christ filled bible based help to everyone

God bless you

LilianVictoria says:
Wow! Thanks for those encouraging words of God. You have really helped me a lot. May God bless you abundantly.